Cats May Land on Their Feet, But Our Cas Lands on His Wings
by xIrelandx
Summary: All in all, either Sam needs to learn to keep his mouth shut more often, or Dean needs to learn to open his mouth more often; or, one Winchester thinks too much, the other not enough. Implied sexytimes, so rating is for safety more than anything else. Destiel and Sam/Meg.


When Sam finally got into purgatory, and then when he finally found Dean and Castiel, he didn't think their behaviour was suspicious. Well, any more suspicious than he would have expected it to be for two souls who found themselves trapped in purgatory for little over a year.

He found them when he saw Cas' wings rustle. They were by a tree, wrapped in Cas' wings. Sam supposes they were hiding. All he knows is that he was nearly shanked by Cas and shot by his brother. Sam threw his hands up in alarm. "Guys, guys, it's me."

That didn't seem to do anything.

Neither Cas nor Dean moved forward or even blinked - not that he was expecting Cas to, but Sam had expected Dean to start blinking rapidly in a confused manner before running over to hug him. Sam kept waiting, but that didn't happen.

Dean and Cas both had almost grown full beards and their hair was much longer than Sam could have ever imagined either of them tolerating. Dean's skin had taken on a yellow tinge, but other than that he looked the same as always. Cas... Cas looked like a deluded serial killer who hadn't had a victim in awhile and was dying for a fix. He held the knife out at eye level and was glaring steadily at Sam. His wings were still wrapped around himself and Dean, although lowered slightly - just enough for Sam to see that Cas' right arm was hooked around Dean's waist. Even with help, Dean wasn't doing a good job of staying upright.

"Seriously, guys," Sam whispered. "It's me."

Cas looked down and Dean looked up, and Sam gritted his teeth in frustration. He hated their non-verbal communication enough when they were on a mission and forgot he wasn't hip to their psychic chatline. He hated it even more now that both were pointing weapons at him and neither seemed ready to let go.

Without warning, Cas threw the knife at - or to? - Sam. "Prove it." Dean's voice sounded strained and Sam wondered if this was how he sounded when he first came back from the dead.

Sam made a thin line across his forearm, holding it out to his brother and his brother's angel. Castiel inspected it, even sniffing and dipping a finger in the blood to lick it, before nodding at Dean. "Good to see you, Sammy," Dean chirped with a smile before promptly collapsing at Castiel's feet.

They went to Bobby's house - well, what used to be Bobby's house - instead of a motel. Cas had muttered something about needing peace and quiet and familiar surroundings, and Sam was far too anxious to argue. They stayed there for a few uneventful days before Dean was ready to continue onto the next mission of...whatever. And that was when it started.

Sam was never really sure what he was supposed to do when he caught his brother doing something even vaguely inappropriate. He wasn't exactly grossed out by it all, at least in part because he'd known Dean his whole life; but there was seeing Dean with hairy palms when old wives' tales started coming true and knowing instinctively what he'd been doing, and then there was walking in on Dean having sex with his own guardian angel.

Again, Sam really didn't know what to do, so at first he just sort of stood in the doorway. He wouldn't say he was watching (although the sight was, in retrospect, at least a little bit funny; even Dean was giggling at the way Cas kept wiggling and flailing, feathers going everywhere), more that his brain had short-circuited and he had forgotten how to leave. This was a whole new level of blasphemy, heresy, perversion, whatever, even for their little band of misfits. A guardian angel having sex with the person he was meant to protect. There had to be some Heavenly Code of Ethics for this, right?

Sam heard what he assumed was a lamp being launched off a bedside table by one of Cas' wings and was snapped out of his thoughts of TMI, closed the door, walked swiftly away, and promptly vomited into the first trashcan he came by.

He booked a second hotel room the next day, claiming he needed more room to spread out his notes. Not that anybody asked.

Meg popped by (quite literally popped, Sam still doesn't know where she came from) about a week later. Sam still hadn't gotten over the frankly traumatizing image he'd encountered, and he wasn't sure he ever would get over it. He knew he was hiding his distress poorly because even strangers were beginning to comment that he 'looked like he'd seen a ghost' (if only). Meg didn't need to be told; one glance at him and she grimaced. "Poor baby, you walked in on your brother and his angel, didn't you?" Sam turned to her with wide eyes of horror and she laughed, petted his hair, and promised to buy him ice cream.

She made good on her promise and Sam decided that he actually liked Meg, quite a bit. She could stay.

Sam had almost forgotten about the incident of We-Shall-Not-Repeat-It when it happened. Again. This time, Sam's reaction was not so fragile. Later on, Dean would actually comment that Sam screamed like a girl, and could you please close the door fully next time, you voyeuristic perv?When Sam reflected on this second incident, he actually berated himself, as the participants were not being quiet. Well, he should amend that. Dean was being quite quiet, in between giggles.

Cas was loud enough that Sam actually heard people commenting about it from the parking lot and, by the time Sam had opened the door and unwittingly realized what he'd just walked in on, so high pitched he was nearly entering the cosmic-angelic-voice-that-broke-windows-and-fucked -electronics-up. They were also half-clothed - which far from making the sight easier for Sam to take actually made both parties look more thoroughly debauched and therefore more grotesque to his long-suffering eyes (that really had seen more disgusting things than this, but that didn't mean they needed or wanted to see this) - already covered in ohgoddon'tthinktheword, and up against the wall. Rutting against each other. Like teenagers with hormone levels to beat the average heat index of the Sahara in summer. (To be fair, for Cas, this was probably true.)

Sam didn't eat for four days afterward. (Although he found some very interesting books sitting on the bedside of the new hotel room he'd booked just for himself, [in a hotel on the other side of the town from where Dean and Cas were staying; although Sam swore he could still hear the - shudder - noises] courtesy of Meg, he thinks; he likes her more and more every day.)

When Sam brings all of this to Dean's, Cas', and Meg's attention while breaking for food one afternoon, Meg gives him a Head Tilt of Sympathy and Dean laughs like he's proud of himself (he probably is) and Cas' brows furrow, like he's not sure why he should be embarrassed (he probably isn't). Sam doesn't even bother trying to explain why everyone involved should be embarrassed to be having blasphemous wall-sex in the same motel room where their little brother is sleeping, because he knows it will only make Meg vomit, Dean challenge the statement (physically, oh God), and Cas ask more questions Sam knows he doesn't want to answer.

Sam can agree that perhaps he earned this particular bout of physical violence. He should have understood earlier that talking to Cas would only lead to Cas misinterpreting things and then Cas talking to Dean and then Dean 'taking care' of things. And by things, we mean Sam.

"Uhm, Cas, can I talk to you for a minute?" Cas has been staring off into space, supposedly trying to sense if any of his brethren are around. Cas looks to Sam and nods sharply, walking off and expecting Sam to follow him. Sam nods to himself. He supposes just for now he can act like this is socially normal.

"What is it you need to talk about, Samuel?" Sam hates it when anybody, especially Castiel, uses his full name. Before all of these...incidentsoccurred, it sounded like he was in trouble and the last thing Sam wanted was to be in trouble with an Angel of the Lord. Now, understanding even vaguely the context of Dean's and Cas' relationship, it sounds as though Castiel is becoming the stepfather Sam never expected.

"Listen, that - that stuff, that you've been doing with my brother?"

Cas blinks slowly and it takes him a couple minutes to respond. For one horrified minute Sam thinks Cas is confused and prepares a back-out phrase because there is no way in Hell Sam is going to explain to Castiel what he means when Castiel's eyes focus back in on Sam, more intently, and he asks, "You mean sexual intercourse?"

Sam nods, mumbles something that is supposed to be "mhm", and thinks that the universe would honestly have to jump through a whole lot of hoops to make anything more uncomfortable or awkward than it is right now. "That stuff is, uh, it's private. It's not something that you're supposed to...let other people see."

Cas tilts his head, evening the territory: he looks a bit like a puppy again. "So, committing those acts is...wrong?"

"No, not wrong, per se, but -" Sam runs his tongue over his lips and smooths his hair, placing his hands on his hips in what he realizes is a defensive stance against his own evasiveness. "Cas, sex is a very serious act. Well, it is for some people, for other people, it's not so much. Some people - you know, like Dean, for example - just like to have sex. And then for some people, it's an emotional connection, like...expressing your love for the other person."

Sam knows he hasn't explained himself very well, but he doesn't know just how bad the situation is going to turn out until Castiel's eyes widen all the way, he utters something that Sam should have thought about before opening his mouth, and Cas disappears with the whiplash noise of wings fluttering.

Cas doesn't return for a week. His brother punches him on Monday. Sam remembers on Tuesday what Cas said. On Wednesday, when Sam sees his brother crying (and pretends he doesn't, because this is somehow more uncomfortable than seeing his brother having sex with an angel), he actually slaps himself because what Cas said finally makes sense:

"So the two are mutually exclusive. I see."

Meg smacks Sam too, when she comes back from wherever-she's-been. Sam is expecting that any moment now, Bobby's ghost will come down from Heaven with a smack as well and call him "idjit" to boot. He wishes he could say it has just been one of those weeks, but it really hasn't because the week's been fairly calm and excruciatingly slow. Sam's just been a moron, and everything he's tried to do to make Dean feel better has not only not worked but backfired. So Meg tells Sam that she will talk to Dean and Sam should talk to Castiel.

Sam doesn't know how talking to Dean is going for Meg, but knowing the both of them it most likely involves a lot of beer. For Sam, trying to get Cas' attention is a completely pointless excursion. He is, after all, the one who upset Cas in the first place, not that Cas has ever been one to come to anybody but Dean when called. Sam hopes in futility that Cas has actually teleported into Dean's room when he turns around to see Cas glaring at him. Neither says anything for a straight minute. Sam coughs just to break the awkward silence.

"Listen, Cas, what I said -"

Cas tilts his head to the ground, but instead of the happy smirk that usually graces his face in these moments, Cas looks even angrier and something worse than that underneath. Heartbroken, maybe.

"You know, my vessel. His wife and child and were murdered." Sam isn't sure what he should say in this moment. He supposes it's a bad thing, but he didn't know Jimmy personally and this isn't Jimmy he's talking to now. "Jimmy doesn't want to live anymore. He told me I can have his body if I send his soul to Heaven." Sam opens his mouth. "I already have, but the thing is if I leave this body again, it will start decaying. I might not have a body to come back to."

Sam realizes this is a threat. A very odd one, but a threat nonetheless. So he talks quickly. "I was wrong. I mean, Dean does like sex, but you know it's kind of hard not to - not that there's anything wrong with not liking sex because I know some people are asexual and that's just not their thing -"

"Sam, if this is you trying to be comforting, please cease your efforts now."

Sam takes a deep breath, blinks once, and starts again. "Look, Cas, I know I'm not explaining myself correctly and I really don't think there's any graceful way to out a person, but Dean's in love with you." Cas' eyes seize for a moment in a way Sam has learned to interpret means that he is startled, but in a pleasant way. He can almost hear the unasked 'really?' and Sam begins to think that this isn't so much an issue of what he has said as it an issue of what Dean hasn't said. Sam nods with emotion as Cas' eyes flick around, clearly looking for Dean. "Dean isn't very good with emotions, but it's true. He's in love with you. I think he has been since you pulled him out of Hell. He'd do anything for you."

Sam laughs without humour as he remembers a dream he had a few days ago, one involving himself and Castiel in a physical fight over Dean. Not in the way fangirls might picture it, because Sam isn't in love with Dean; but he is jealous. Sam was Dean's top priority for so long, but he knows now that isn't so. The Sam in Sam's dream accused Cas of being 'a pansy-ass angel with so little self-respect he had to steal my brother from me'. To which the dream Cas sniped, 'I didn't steal him, he chose me. He chose me over you, because he loves me. And he will always choose me over you.'

Sam knows the dream is slightly exaggerated because in reality, he thinks Dean would refuse to make the choice. It doesn't mean Sam's not afraid that the Castiel in his dream is telling the truth.

Meg has, in fact, been using beer to get Dean to talk. It's how she's using it that surprises Sam. That is to say, she's been depriving Dean of the elixir until he talks to Cas. "Can you believe he hasn't even tried to talk to Cas since he left?" she hisses at Sam. "Idjit."

Sam looks at Meg in surprise, eyebrows lifting. "'Idjit'? You sound like Bobby."

Meg gives Sam the first genuine smile he thinks he's ever seen from her, and he finds his stomach fluttering at the pure radiance in it. "I'll take that as a compliment. Bobby was a great man." Sam's mind goes blank. Meg turns to where Dean and Castiel are staring at each other longingly. He's expecting her to tell them to get a room (the words 'Not mine!' immediately plant themselves at the top of Sam's mouth) or take a picture or some other cliche when she actually says, "Now Dean, we all know there's something you would like to say to Castiel. And then there's something he'd like to say to you. And then there's some place, hopefully far away from here, the two of you would like to go."

Sam tries not to laugh because the moment is serious. And then he tries not to groan because he fears the moment is going to be long and drawn out and more uncomfortable than the image of his brother having sex with an angel (twice! and those are only the times he knows about! oh God!) and the image of his brother crying all put together.

Instead, while it is marginally uncomfortable, it isn't long or drawn out because it's mostly Cas and Dean sobbing into each other and yelling 'I love you!' as loudly as they can at one another and Sam thinks he hears someone mention the holy sanctity of matrimony and yes of course God loves gay couples gay weddings are the best before there is a click and the two are gone in their sopping, weeping, idiotic mess of two lovers who really need to just pull their heads out of their asses and stop being so stupid.

When Cas and Dean return (which is when Dean is done taking photos of Heaven because who the fuck knew they had such cool cars?!), Dean is the one to let out a loud, exaggerated groan and Cas is the one to blush furiously and gag. Although the scene is far less disturbing than what Sam has been victim to over the shit-has-it-really-only-been-two-months, Dean is the one who asks "Jezzy Creezy guys, can't you get another damn room to do that?"

Sam smiles sloppily while Meg crawls over him to shoot Dean an evil grin. "Sorry Deanny, but all your beer was in here."


End file.
